A Mother's Love

A Mother's Love

Coping With Loss

By: Nedynia Martinez

On December 19th 2011 My life changed in a way I never expected. The precious child God blessed me with 15 years ago unexpectedly passed away. I can't describe the shock and pain because I can honestly say that my mourning is so consistant so painful that I truly havent grasped every emotion associated with this loss.

When I had my daughter I myself was only 15 and due to malpractice my daughter was never able to live a full life. She faced so many challenges and as a teenage mom I can honestly say Every challenge we faced together was difficult but atleast we had eachother. I raised my child alone, I faced every hospital Visit, every illness, every waking moment dedicated alongside my precious Angel Sade. I never complained, I never stopped fighting.

Often my prayers were the same, me begging God to relieve her of any pain "place every burden on me" Give her my health. Allow her No pain, In a perfect world my prayers would be answered but in this world all I'm left with is an emptiness nothing but my daughter could fill.

Every night its the same I cry until I can't breath, every day is overwhelming, I wish I could say that I'm ok but I'm not! My heart is shattered My hope is non existant, and I can't figure out who I am without her.

Loving her and caring for her was the best part of my life and now That she's gone I feel clueless as to who I am suppossed to be.

When I figured out that my daughter was the victim of malpractice I fought for justice and even though a case was won what justice provailed if she nolonger is here. Some court decides what your case is worth they put every dollar in a trustfund that you have no authority over Every neccesity is another court visit then when the child you adore is no longer here your back to court fighting again. Unbelievebly The law states that you now have to fight a parent who never did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for your child and on top of the excrutiating pain and mourning that is interrupted by this ridiculous notion, who but you are left with heartbrake.

I never knew how my life would be, dedicating myself to Sade was a gift, nothing I did for her was a burden, It never was too much too handle because I adore her, It is not cliche to say She was the absolute reason for life. Nothing I ever do will match the honor of knowing her or the privilage of her love.

I now know my purpose was to honor her memory with a fight I have to dig deeply to find the strength! These laws have to change! What difference does money make when your heart is shattered, why could'nt Sade and I enjoy this money while she was still here. Why do I now have to fight a parent who never even knew her?

Life is so difficult Good parents suffer while bad parents prosper. I give you all my promise that I will fight for every child whose life has been affected by medical negligence! Sade was the most amazing, strong, beautiful little girl/person I have ever known. Oh God I miss her, at the mere thought I break down I am so broken I am so distraught and I beg God every day for the will to keep going. I'm 31 now and I never had another child just because my love for Sade was so profound that I could'nt imagine loving this way twice.

It's like when you fall in love so deeply no other love bares a comparison. I knew Sade needed a fulltime mother and father and I was both. I don't know what the future holds but on this journey I will need all the support I can get. I will document every step because writing is my therapy.

I will fight till the end for Real Justice because Sade's memory must be honored with truth, integrity, fairness, and real love. No mother should ever go through what im enduring no child should be the victim of malpractice and no bad parent should benefit from a child they never cared for, never supported!

I LOVE YOU SADE MOMMY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU EVERY DAY I PRAY FOR YOU. I MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH REST PEACEFULLY MY LOVE

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU OH DIGGY MY PRECIOUS DIGGY I LOVE YOU!

DEATH COULD NEVER DO US PART BECAUSE YOU LIVE WITHIN ME!

R.I.P

SADE MARIE GREEN