Dear Sade

Dear Sade

I will love you and miss you for eternity!

September 15th 1996 you came into my life and made me see everything in a shade of perfect.

There arent words perfect enough for you but mommy can only try.

The days are going by and the emptiness is growing bigger I'm not sure why you had to leave me so sudden and after all the years of saying why not me all my heart keeps asking is why me! Why did my life have to be this way. why was I robbed of the kisses and smiles that made this journey worth while?

I keep feeling like there's something im not doing and the minute my mind adjust and I know it is you that is missing a piece of me gets lost in despair! I keep wondering if I said I love you enough, were hundreds of kisses a day enough and today as I write this I know it would never be enough! Me and you grew up together and you left at 15 which is the same age I was when you were growing in my belly. I was never perfect but I loved you, God I love you Sade! I feel so lost nothing is making sense except for how much I miss you, how angry I am that I can't hold you or tell you one more time that I need you.

You were the perfect daughter, no struggle was too hard to bare as long as I could wake up knowing you need me to take care of you, now all I have is me. 

This is by far the hardest goodbye the biggest pain, the tragedy no mother should face. But I am grateful and honored that for 15 whole years I stood beside you fighting every battle and falling inlove with my gift every second you were here! No one can take credit for that except you and me. They all left, and when it came to saying goodbye thats when they showed up, Not mommy, mommy was always there, every hospital stay every scary moment, every diaper change, I carried you until my back was giving out and I protected you from every doctor who forgot you were a person!

At whatever cost I never failed you! And living will never be the same now that I don't have you here but I promise I will make sure they remember you! You were the strongest girl I've ever known! Mommy admires your strength and your courage. I sleep with your winnie every night and I havent changed anything, I smell your pillow every day and I pray that God could save the smell for me. I love you Diggy my heart is completely broken and shattered but I live to make you proud. I will fight for my sanity and draw strength from the precious memories we made!

I miss you my princess! Im so lonely without you. People keep telling me I have to live, they have no idea how it feels to try to live without the person you live for! Mommy loves you and cries every day! Nomatter how hard this gets for me I can only hope to be half as strong as you were! Thank you for fighting so hard for me! I will never be who I was because half of me is gone and all of my heart belongs to you! Rest peacefully my baby, I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU FOREVER I LOVE YOU!

SADE MARIE 

9-15-96  - 12-19-2011